A Different Take on “Flying Monkeys”

In a narcissistic smear campaign, often perpetrated on individuals the narcissist feels intensely threatened by, some if not all actions are carried out by third party players frequently referred to as “Flying Monkeys”. These “Flying Monkeys” often engage in the frontline destructive behaviors by helping spread misinformation about the victim, engaging in verbal abuse of the said target, and even at times going as far as helping a personality disordered individual stalk their victim. Books, scholarly opinions, former recipients of abuse, and many more out there all seem to carry similar beliefs on why “Flying Monkeys” engage in smear campaign behaviors.

Some of their beliefs are that “Flying Monkeys” themselves exhibit highly narcissistic behaviors, and therefore often share the same goal towards the targeted individual. That the engaging behaviors of the “Flying Monkeys” are really just exposing how they always felt about the victim. Even theorizing that they might enjoy the darker aspects of life, and therefore find pleasure in harming others. For some “Flying Monkeys” this is most likely and rings true. On the other hand, is this really the case for others?

Just observing the different “Flying Monkeys” over the years leads me to a different opinion about many. Granted most people consider observations antidotal in themselves. However, what is science if not gathering information and making observations off of a new hypothesis. Also, the likelihood of gathering “Flying Monkeys” together in order to study, with a controlled group, is pretty low. Sometimes all that people are left with is sifting through experiences and knowledge they’ve gained in order to make the best judgment.

In my experience, I often see the delusional “Flying Monkeys” being a greater issue. These “Flying Monkeys” all seem to exhibit some of the same qualities. They often have a history of some type of abuse in their past or present lives. A deep need to feel like they belong and are accepted. Have a savior complex in which they carry a deeply held belief that they are somehow attaining justice by their actions. They often seem to exhibit highly paranoid thinking, and frequently seem to struggle with some type of mind altering addiction, which could be where the easily controlled issue stems. “Flying Monkeys” often seem to lack knowledge of boundaries, self awareness, and the ability to accurately discern information.

It’s actually quite unfortunate. I once knew this individual who engaged in “Flying Monkey” behavior for a deeply personality disordered individual. This person, let’s call her “Sally”, genuinely believed that they were in a friendship with this cluster B individual. Sally’s beliefs were not rooted in reality. In actuality the disordered narcissistic individual exhibited dislike for this very individual. They would not actually spend time with Sally, they kept their children from being around Sally and her family, and they even went as far as keeping Sally from any social media access. At the same time this deeply disordered individual would engage in constant conversation and manipulation with Sally around the misinformation surrounding the targeted victim. Sally let herself live in the delusional word were this back and forth bad behaviors meant she was somehow connected to the disordered individual, and even liked by them.

In other instances I have observed “Flying Monkeys” who never even engaged in a single conversation with their intended target. They had convinced themselves that they righteously understood the situation. They never were an actual witness to the slander they spread. Nor did they observe or gather credible information about their target. In actuality these “Flying Monkeys” were aligning with a predatory individual who had been released from the school system for inappropriate behaviors. Besides, even with most of these individuals I often wonder how many actually had a real friendship with this cluster B Predator.

It’s easy to think the worst of “Flying Monkeys” especially when they themselves are engaging in very destructive behaviors. However, it’s also true that these delusional individuals need more knowledge, awareness, and for some, probably medical intervention. It’s unfortunate that weaker minded individuals are often taken advantage of by disordered individuals. Maybe if people were more aware of falling into these sadistic traps, there would be less “Flying Monkeys” to do these narcissistic individuals’ bidding.

*All articles are the expressed opinions of the author, they are meant to spark conversation/thoughts around various subjects of public interest, and are not meant to be taken as professional advice. Please use proper services if in need of professional help. Also, names are changed to protect individuals.

The Real Problem with “Financial/Housing Bubbles”

According to most financial data sources, the “Great Recession” began around December 2007 and lasted roughly until around June 2009. Most people like to believe that the housing bubble hit its precipice, bursting open as a flood during this period in history. It’s easy to imagine that financial change happens quickly when someone loses a job, when there is a struggle to pay the bills during illness, or various other untold financial situations. More often than not, it’s probably actually more of a slow boil than a pop.

Around 2005/2006, in my county, one of the wealthiest builders was already showing signs of financial troubles. I’m not sure if I’ll ever forget the day that his wife came in very upset because she had to change the plans of her over million dollar home to something more conservative. She was extremely upset at her downgraded house that, definitely by the average person’s standards, was still a luxury home. Looking around, seeing the struggles of others, and having my own medical bills to pay for at the time, I struggled with the fact that she couldn’t see how abundantly blessed she had been in life. Then empathy began to take over. I remembered that to have anything so great, or a dream with in grasp taken so swiftly away was always a hard humbling. So, I gave her my sympathies and hoped she’d move quickly through her grief and realize how blessed she still was.

Though, I’m not sure that this was the first sign. During this period, I saw many individuals stretch themselves beyond their means. Desiring a home, they took on loans with interest only payments or became saddled with house payments that most definitely did not match their income level. It was really confusing to me at the time, since this train of thought veered so contradictory to most financial advice handed down from previous generations. Again, I emphasized with their desires and hoped that everything would work out for the best as I knew how much these individuals wanted home ownership.

At the time, we had another friend of ours who was working with his builder father. For them, business for new homes was already beginning to dry up, this was 2006 to 2007. One of the sons and his family, there were two sons in business with the father, became completely underwater financially. They had over leveraged their debts during the previous period of prosperity, and now found themselves unable to pay their mortgage or sell their home. The father had to undertake a new business altogether, while both sons were in the process of starting new careers.

All these changes were taking place even though on the other side of the same county, the homes that I live in today and surrounding, were still being built. Brand new and beautiful, they were selling at a relatively high price. Both of these two truths were existing at the same time. Some builders either pulling back or closing up altogether, and yet some builders still selling homes at peak prices.

By mid 2007/early 2008, financial distress had spread over several different industries around us. A friend in the carpet business had been laid off due to slowing sales. A newly launched mowing business that had completely taken off came to a screeching halt as people found themselves unable to afford simple help, and still many others desperately looking for new careers as their own industries faltered.

In 2008/2009 homes still had not hit their lowest price points here. There were opportunities in short sales, and foreclosures. While the average listing price fell some in value, home affordability was still far from the median salary price points. Even those who invested early on in this period would not see the financial gains that others who had waited until 2009/2010 would. Furthermore, those who bought houses 2010-2012 were the most fortunate, buying up inventory at record bottom low prices.

It’s easy to convince oneself that bubbles happen in a finite time, are instantaneous, and pervasively destructive. While times of suffering and misfortune are relative situations that most people would rather avoid, they are not necessarily constrained to a certain time limit. Those who saw losses in hardship leading up to the “official recession”, forged ahead during some of the most difficult times to come out more successful than before. Others who were hit hard during the most difficult periods found relief a few years after, even replacing homes with those that had been lost. Still some individuals taught us how to side step financial land mines and be more properly prepared for uncertainty. Time lines are relative, official declarations are not as important as making the best next step at financial security and freedom.

*All articles are the expressed opinions of the author, they are meant to spark conversation/thoughts around various subjects, and are not meant to be taken as professional advice. Please use proper services if in need of professional help.

Delusional Narcissists Pretend They’re Puppet Masters

When one decides to go no contact with a narcissist it’s usually because of a tipping point. A point at which the destruction, the pain, and the divisive behaviors have become overwhelmingly, suffocating. One no longer feels safe. There were efforts made to place boundaries, to differentiate self, and to hold personal values. All these autonomous choices are disregarded continuously by the narcissist, and the relationship disintegrates over time.

At the moment a person decides to leave, the narcissist knows deep down that they’ve messed up, that they’ve done wrong, and that they’ve caused this person to leave. They can’t handle the truth. They can’t handle being imperfectly flawed. Rejection is too much for a narcissist. By leaving, that would make them lower than the person who’s rejecting them. The narcissist alway believed that they were in a higher position than the person leaving. They cannot handle rejection from a person whom they find beneath them.

That’s where the first lie begins. The narcissist begins to tell themselves that they’re the one that is actually leaving. They begin to make all kinds of excuses as to how they didn’t really like the person or want them in the first place. That the person leaving was always definitely the bad one. This is partly true in that they never really bonded with the other person as expressed in their past behavior, but not wholly true because they needed and wanted them. They’ll think back to some weakness, pain, or tender hurt that they knew about the person in the past. Or the narcissist unable to see the rejecting person live happily without them, will look for ways to sabotage their future. They’ll use these things to create twisted lies, or out right lies until the distorted truth is a good enough lie to make the other person look unfavorable.

The action the narcissist undertakes is done with a savior persona. This is the heart of the smear campaign. The narcissist will run around to whomever will listen, proclaiming loudly to others the faulty narrative that they’ve made up. All the while they will be claiming to these other people that they’re just trying to save them from any harm. This very action is in itself harmful to others. Lies always divide, they isolate others from the actual safe person, it unwittingly brings others into stalking and bullying behaviors, all of which actions society has deemed unacceptably, unsafe. This savior persona is the lie the narcissist has to live in, because they will not accept their own actions as wrong. The narcissist will not change. They want to imagine that they are in control of the other person’s actions, that they are the very goodness of the person leaving them, or that if any goodness exists the narcissist brought this into existence.

The smear campaign is also about making the person leaving the narcissist feel bad about themselves. The narcissist will use statements like “Why would anyone say this about them if it wasn’t true?” knowing full well they’re doing it to degrade the other person. Again it is projecting their unkind acts onto the actual kind person while subtlety manipulating the people listening. If the narcissist can control other people’s perception then in their minds they are controlling the other person’s behavior and (savior persona) keep so many others safe. In reality though, the smeared victim is the one keeping people safe because they are not nor have they ever engaged in the narcissist’s smear campaign lies. The narcissist is the one hurting others too because they are isolating people from a person who would be a safe person for others, and most likely give the very things the narcissist themselves were once attracted to.

The most important aspect to remember if one finds themselves in a smear campaign is that integrity is what one does even when smoke covers the truth. Hold onto the goodness that actually exists by one’s real actions, hope for the freedom of future victims, and know that goodness is never found or created by the narcissist. Goodness is never created by lies, stalking, or unsafe behavior, those actions are solely the responsibility of the narcissist.

A Storm is Coming Eventually, Save Now or Suffer Later

If you’ve ever lived in Florida for any certain period of time (or even watched the news) you know that there’s one sure thing that is almost as reliable as death and taxes: eventually a hurricane will arrive causing many unwanted issues and trails. No one can accurately predict the years a hurricane will touch land, the date in which the hurricane will storm the shores, or even how many will make landfall in a given year. One predictable and reliable fact is that the hurricane storms will eventually arrive, and they will cause issues and trials in most people’s lives.

There is a lot of economic data out there right now being interpreted by some people as par for the course, or even a golden road ahead. Then there are others who see trouble in the murky waters. Some are even treading water financially already. Still others see warning signs of future instability. Inflation is up as I am writing this. Which is not surprising with the signs such as the menu board at my local coffee shop covered up because it doesn’t accurately reflect the recent rise in prices. Or the empty generic store brand soda bottle shelves as consumers move away from purchasing the expensive name brands, which have become unaffordable for them.

The other day I was speaking with an acquaintance on finances and land purchasing. We both agreed that there were a lot of patterns reflective of the 2008 Great Recession, and also new factors at play which are very different (like the large inventory of corporate investor purchased homes in our area). Over the course of our discussion she became convinced that there were many signs pointing to a recession ahead. One of the statements she threw out was somewhere along the lines of “How does one survive a down turn if, and when, it comes?” My opinion was/is to find a way to make small savings (sacrifices) now so she would be more prepared for the future. She quipped at me that there was no money in the budget at the moment. To which I in turn replied that a storm is eventually coming. Whether it is a down turn or just the trials of life. She could choose to sacrifice some now, or be swept away in a financial flood later. I encouraged her to make as many small changes as she could now, in order to prepare as best as she could for the future.

No matter what lies ahead for our economy, there are some things we can all do to prepare. Shed any and all unwanted debt payments. Cut unnecessary spending to make debt repayment and saving possible. Begin eating within economic resources; even if that means eating more eggs, rice, pasta, generic brands, peanut butter sandwiches, etc. Finally, all we can do is our best to save for the future. Which may even mean consulting a financial advisor, or finding a financial coach to help get finances under control (different eyes on personal finances can be enlightening). Whatever storm lies ahead, I hope you never feel alone, and you discover people who will walk beside you that encourage you toward the best.

*Articles are the expressed opinions of the writer, they are meant to spark conversation/thoughts around various topics, and are not meant to be taken as professional advice. Please use proper services if in need of professional help.

Why Toxic People Want to be Like Their Targets but Can’t!

It’s weird to imagine but toxic people are never at rest within themselves or interacting with the world. Their jealousies, insecurities, and propensity to win at all costs are some of the reasons toxic people spend their lives tearing apart businesses, institutions, people, organizations, and just about anything they put their hand to the plow with. It’s not necessarily that toxic people seek out destruction, it is more their nature and the ways they go about “achieving”, at least in their minds, whatever they have set to their attention.

Take for an example two athletes in a race. A safe person will practice and work hard on their performance. Their main goal is to achieve their personal best, and if they fail they have no issues with giving accolades to their competitors. Safe athletes know deep down that they are only as great as the fellow athletes standing next to them, and it is a high achievement/privilege to even be competing with a talented individual. A toxic person, on the other hand, will usually stop at nothing to win an event. The toxic person may use covert or overt means to strike down a participant they see as potential competition. A toxic athlete will usually use any means necessary to bring down another athlete they esteem to be a challenger, thereby bringing everyone in the whole competition into a lower level. They do this all for the sake of a win. Toxic athletes don’t often desire to worker harder, exercise more often, or wait patiently for their skills to grow. When a toxic person cheats or wins unfairly, they’ve not only cheated themselves but the whole competition out of a higher win.

The deconstruction of higher standards for lower productivity can also be observed in business environments. A great employee may have a strong tie to the company and their passion is for the success of that particular business. Good employees usually make choices, that may even deny their best interests, for the sake of the company. A great employee will also use further education or training to acquire skills to move further along in the positions with a company. A toxic employee on the other hand is only out for themselves. They will use manipulation, triangulation, and sometimes out right deception to achieve their goals. Toxic employees oftentimes want to remove their competition (in their minds the coworker who may bring more business to the company) for their own wanton gain even though this is detrimental to the overall success of the business. Toxic employee’s ultimate goals are self centered in nature therefore they are less likely to work with others to achieve higher standards. The toxic person usually does not pursue skills, or increased intelligence but rather removes those who might reveal the toxic person’s weaknesses. Instead of iron sharping iron, the toxic person works hard to remove their fellow employees. A toxic employee may be lifted to a higher position within a company, but usually that company will never reach it’s full potential because toxic employees will always be bringing the company into a lower success.

While the toxic or cluster B personalities may desire to be like their self induced jealous counterparts, the toxic person is unable to achieve this goal. Even when they try to replace a “competitor” it’s usually to the detriment of the whole system. Toxic individuals paths are those of either lower standards, destructive, or at minimum a backwards slide. The behaviors of toxic individuals continue to impact society as whole. Everyone loses even a little when goodness is struck down.

Accidental Savings that Transferred into Regular Extra Funds

How I turn incorrect thinking and misfortune into regular monthly savings? It’s a road that I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen for myself but one I am glad I traveled. With a few items in place, and a little effort in modifying behavior, that even my kids joined on board with, saving are happening naturally each month.

Growing up in a lower middle class family, and often surrounded by people with the same struggles. I always thought cheap everyday blinds were the standard for homes, and those individuals wanting a more stylish, richer aesthetically pleasing interior went after the long flowing curtains. It had always been my perception that curtains were for the less minimalistic individuals. Never had it occurred to me that they might be the key to month savings.

From my previous experiences with animals, I knew that the cheapest blinds were definitely out of the question. They always seemed to bend and break just by “breathing too closely.” Seriously though, are those blinds just made of butter, or old newspapers? Anyways, many years ago when we first moved into our home we decided on the thicker, substantially heavier sets of blinds. Let’s just say how terrible of an idea they were for larger framed windows. Those blinds were physically heavy and absolutely awkward every time the windows needed cleaning.

I still had many misconceptions about curtains not allowing the right light in the house, having them be too open, and so on. That’s when I had the bright idea to try out vertical blinds. Unfortunately though, vertical blinds were equally annoying. They fell so often, and needed replacing constantly that I eventually grew tired of them as well. Full disclosure, not sure exactly what I was thinking, but I did have some curtains in a few rooms on top of the blinds. Partly because I like to sleep in sometimes, and partly because there are other members of our household that enjoy fashionable decorations.

After many years at failed attempts at window coverings, and realizing half the time we weren’t allowing enough sunlight in the home, I finally researched into curtains. It took some shopping around before I found the right curtains that allowed sunlight in but kept the peering neighbor’s eyes out. I knew that I also needed blackout curtains for those pesky summer storms, hurricanes, and rather unpleasant lightning storms.

I tried out my new combination of semi sheer curtains with double rod blackout curtains on top, one room at a time. As the rooms in my house slowly changed, I started to notice a difference in the air quality. It seemed that my house was staying a whole lot cooler, and the air conditioner began to run a little less. I was pleasantly surprised by this unexpected bonus. Doing some quick research I found many other financial individuals recommending curtains as a way to save up to thirty percent on heating and cooling cost. The best part is that any rate of decrease in usage helps me to save money that would have most likely been charged well over the base rate, and I don’t actually enjoy paying those rate numbers. Therefore, the new curtains were definitely a saving bonus that brought more money into our pockets while bringing us joy with all the new wildlife we’re also now viewing, and it only required an accidental initial investment.

Another great aspect that came out of a reduction in energy consumption is I finally began to really pay attention to how much energy my family was expending. I realized that we had way too many items that we were just leaving plugged in and allowing our income to be wasted on. The Department of Energy estimates that unplugging items can save up to ten percent each month. Couple that estimate with the possibility that it is being charged in the higher rate of expenditure, it soon became a habit for me to unplug items not in use.

The more I also researched and thought about the idea of a possible ten percent waste in my household, and as well as possibly every household in my area I came to the realization of the absolute waste of resources being used. When I sat, really pondering on the impact of those wasted resources on the environment, and frankly the absolute large amount of money the energy companies were possibly making (little bits become rather big when calculated over a large population) I knew I needed to change. That’s when my kids and I both became passionate about unplugging unused items. I also believe it is healthier for most of our electronics over the long run too.

In addition to my electrical savings adventure, about the same time I was changing my window treatments, my hot water heater decided to tank. Those were the longest few days of my life. I love a nice warm shower. So, you can imagine how unpleasant it was waiting for someone to inspect the possible damage, since apparently all trades men are high in demand (for good reasons too, you all are awesome).

The whole experience was just the wake up call that I need though. The water heater was in fact producing some hot water, but it was unfortunately barely a trickle. I use hot water for so many aspects of my life that I couldn’t just stop using what was being supplied to me. That’s about the time I had my “light bulb” moment. I began to realize I had been turning my faucets on full blast when frankly I didn’t need to. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how wasteful it was to turn the nozzle all the way on all the time. I could accomplish almost any task (except showering) on just a mere trickle. Which would mean resources saved and more money in my pocket when it came to our water bill.

As I changed my water usage habits the saving started rolling in. We started saving gallons each month, and quite a few months our usage had dropped to almost a fifty dollar savings. Full disclosure though we have always been above the base rate in our usage so most of our saving’s happened in the double rate zone. While I would love to save more on the water bill, with the kids and their long showers I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Each month I plug away at saving resources and turning those saving into financial wins as well; which makes me more than enough happy.

My last accidental savings happed one day when my jugs of sweet tea ran out and I was feeling a bit under the weather. I wasn’t too keen on running to the store and possibly sharing an unknown illness just for some sweet tea. My kids and I though were definitely wanting something to quench our thirst. So, I used my smaller tea bags to make a larger pitcher of sweet tea for the family. And again for some reason the wheels in my head began turning and I remembered how growing up people use to always make homemade sweet tea. Then the stores started producing a quick, convenient way of acquiring sweet tea, and before I knew it I was spending almost five dollars for a jug of tea (way more since I usually bought several) when I could easily make it for a fraction of the price.

I think one issue that always held me back was the safety of the tea kettle on the stove when making homemade. Those kettles are easy to forget. That is why I invested in an electrical one with an automatic shut off. The kids love the homemade sweet tea and I am saving hundreds over the year. It’s a win, win for all of us.

I am thankful for the accidental savings that helped me be more aware of resources and financial savings. Have you had any accidental savings? Do you know any great tricks? We would love to hear your thoughts on this subject and would enjoy any comments.

*All articles are the express opinions of the author, they are meant to spark conversation/thoughts around various subjects, and are not meant to be taken as professional advice. Please use proper services if in need of professional help.

Moving From Approval to Devaluation Without Even Really Speaking; the Madness of Toxicity

I stood there, frozen in the deepest stare, knowing that it was a trap. I can’t remember the last task that I had just performed but I remember it being of little consequence. I had gone into the garage for some reason or another, and now upon my trying to re-enter the house; I realize I was being blocked. It was fairly early on in my journey of learning boundaries and personal growth. Fortunately, though I had knowledge enough to know that this person who was standing in front of me, was not the safest of individuals.

To an outsider, everything looked normal; even nice one would say. Like syrup being poured all over buttered pancakes, her words came out like sweet and savory delights. Tammy, let’s call her, was spewing one compliment after another. Telling me how delighted she was, how clean my garage was, how great of a house keeper I was, and how I must work so much harder than others to keep my garage in such pristine shape. She went on and on about how impressed she was. These were kind words indeed. Yet, I was keenly aware that somehow something wasn’t quite right.

It’s not unreasonable to desire approval from one’s peers, sometimes even crave it a little. The problem though, when dealing with individuals, is knowing when one is receiving actual compliments or when a person is just trying to trippingly puff up. It important to know in each situation the type of person that one is dealing with. My intuition with Tammy had sent red flags all throughout my nervous system. I had felt with Tammy that there was a pattern emerging with her. I knew at that moment to take what she had said with a grain of salt, and I also had an idea that this was somehow a set up.

Full disclosure, though, I would not call myself at all the best housekeeper around. In reality, what had actually occurred was just that Tammy had visited recently after I had gone through my yearly cycles of cleaning. One of those cycles being a deep declutter and a more thorough cleaning of the garage. I would say my cleaning habits lean more towards that of a routine cleaner, with a motto of do one’s best and let the chips fall where they may. It’s way too easy to fall into the idea of trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations and everyone else’s standards.

So, I listen to Tammy’s complements with a quiet reserve. I mentioned only briefly to her that I had just cleaned my garage and that it wasn’t anything really that big except for I had just cleaned my garage. Tammy kept her super impressed look on, we returned inside, and went on with our day. Later I mentioned what had occurred between Tammy and I to a friend. I remarked then that I felt as if it might be a Narcissistic type of trap. I even remember remarking how I could see the future situation unfolding.

To my surprise the the answer came sooner than I had expected. For some reason or another Tammy was soon back in town again. Only this time my garage was not in it’s pristine, newly cleaned state. There were a few aspects of different things that weren’t perfect about it. No big deal to me. There were no piles of dirt, I don’t usually struggle with hoarding, and I don’t collect excessive amounts of trash. I usually do at least a weekly spruce, maybe more if others have left items lying about. I really couldn’t even tell you exactly what was out of place at the moment. But there was Tammy, and now what once was a reign of compliments had turned into this vile speech of deep devaluing. She made devaluing comments like “Oh, you’re not as clean as you think you are!” And, “Why do you think your such a good housekeeper, your garage isn’t all that great.”

In the span of two interactions I went from being a glorified housekeeper to that of an untidy individual. Without even really uttering very many words myself, some how Tammy had managed to place me on a pedestal she was convinced I created and knock me off. Fortunately, though only in her own mind. Thankfully I had held my internal boundary observantly aware that it was all most likely a trap. Toxic individuals love to put others on pedestals, then knock them off, but the absolutely most disturbing part is they want you to believe that you put yourself in that standard of perfection and then nope you didn’t really achieve it. It’s like a game of gaslighting crazy. Tammy was the one with the complements but when the devaluation hit she wanted me to believe that I had been the one essentially bragging. Tammy had created a whole conversation in her own mind that had completely happened without even me needing to utter a word. Had I allowed myself to fall into her puffed up complements I might have then at least questioned or doubted myself, or god forbid felt guilt over “false” beliefs. This is how the toxic person interacts. They are always judging a person for not being as good as perceived promised to be and then devalue them as not good enough. The weird part is that most people aren’t often conscious of the game even happening. The toxic person is projecting on to the individual their promises of goodness, their judgment of goodness, and just like their raging inner insecurities, they have to protectingly judge you as not good enough as well.

A Predator’s Smear Campaign, More about their Victim or Next Prey?

Smear Campaigns, if you have ever been a victim of one, might feel like one of the most excruciating times in your life. When smear campaigns happen they often catch their victims unaware, leaving them shockingly unable to navigate their new reality. It’s hard for a victim of a smear campaign to image that just the other day this person, who is now dishonestly maligning them, was the same individual that once obsessively followed them around declaring love/friendship, or a friendly coworker/acquaintance that seemed to care for them. But, it happens most often when dealing with a Predator. Sooner or later an individual wakes up in the relationship and begins to see the perp for what they really are. The predator can’t be unmasked though. They can not and will not lose the carefully crafted facade and illusion that surrounds their existence. That’s why deploying a smear campaign is rarely about the victim, more about the Predator, and their next prey. For the victim of the smear campaign it assuredly does feel as if it is a completely personal attack. It’s often very personal to the victim because it carries real and sometimes lasting consequences to their lives. Undoubtably, it is a very unjust act perpetrated on the smear campaign victim.

Unfortunately, the real and dark sinister motives behind most smear campaigns for the Predator is actually about gathering and garnering new people to prey on. Often the Predator’s desire is to bring more individuals into their circle of influence. They will either make these individuals into buffers who will defend and help keep their reputation (usually people with their own dark secrets), create prey who the Predator will act out their dark desires on and/or use to the Predator’s own advantages, or to uncover those who might be a problem/competition for them.

The way smear campaigns work at creating new victims for the Predator is a very complex web of power and deception. First off, the Predator usually feels out those who might already have some kind of grudge, jealousy, or ill will toward the smear campaign victim. This is an important move by the Predator, usually incorporating some form of stalking (calling old friends, coworkers, family, etc.) and is a valuable tool for them in gathering information for the coming smear campaign. This type of behavior is rarely engaged in by healthy individuals and is only done by the Predator to gain the upper hand during the smear campaign they are about to deploy. They are looking for tainted information that might make it harder for the Predator’s lies to be untangled by weaving unverifiable “facts” and pitting other individuals against each other. It is a triangle illusion of he/she said type game which also clears the Predator’s hands because the Predator can ultimately claim “relay” messenger only, thus making themselves easily placed in the “victim role” if need be.

Once the campaign is in full swing, this is when the Predator will begin their hunt for new prey. Since a clear pattern of stalking has already begun on the smear campaign victim, the Predator most often deploys themselves on individuals nearest to the said smear campaign victim. This could be neighbors, coworkers, hobby acquaintances, regular delivery drivers, or people in the community that interact frequently with the smear campaign victim. While the smear campaign is about tainting the victim and isolating them from creating new relationships or slowly dismantling the old, it has also,at this stage, become more about dominating new individuals.

At this point the Predator will begin asserting themselves into a new victim’s life. The Predator will begin by saying something to the effect of “Just so you know…”, or “For your safety” etc. The issue here though is that most of the time these individuals are not asking for the Predator in their lives, they are and have been safe the whole time. Now though, the Predator is declaratively coming as savior, avenger of the unjust, and beckoning the new individual to place themselves under the wings of the Predator’s safety. This has a three fold purpose. One, to place the new individual in a one down position in relation to the Predator. Secondly, to move the new individual into a place of indebtedness to the Predator by this disturbingly evil “act of kindness” (which again wasn’t even asked for or originally wanted). Finally, it is also meant test the water of how gullible the individual might be. Will this individual just take in this information by a possible random stranger or individual cold coming to them as a savior, or will they question why the Predator is coming to them at all (again it usually wasn’t asked for). Or will the individual use critical thinking skills by wondering what might the whole real story be? There is often too an element of testing how much inappropriate material will an individual subject themselves to (boundary testing). If an individual fails at this moment to see the trap that is being carefully laid, this is where boundary crossing increases, and toxic behaviors begin to grow.

The best practices a person can do for themselves when dealing with a possible Predator or difficult situation is to ask regularly “Who is this person in relation to me? Did I ask this for this information? What might the motives exist for this person relying said information? How can I protect myself from falling into indebtedness to a Predator person.”

The Weirdest Financial Advice

How do you know if you’re getting good financial advice? There is a lot of information out there and a lot of individuals who are selling the “golden ticket” of financial wealth/gain if you just follow their advice. If you precisely apply their tips and tricks then they promise you’ll acquire wealth beyond your current imagination. There’s so many people giving out advice online, and through various social networks. How do you know when you might be getting wise advice and when you’re following a wrong path? These are the very questions that we often struggle with when making financial decisions.

It’s good to saturate the mind with financial information when there is a path or a goal that you’re trying to reach. It’s also a great idea to surround yourself with people who have identical goals in mind. Sometimes we do not have people in our lives who desire our same goals. We need to then “travel outside” our current circles to supplement that need with resources that are found only outside ourselves.

We live in a really great time period. Decades ago we would not have been able to access the information and ideas that we obtain now with just the click of the button. But sometimes it can be a little overwhelming too, sifting through the information, and letting go of the things that are not profitable to us. There’s been articles circulated that kind of make a person want to scratch their head at how far off from actual statistical numbers they are, and wonder also if they are not trying to mis- lead people on purpose. Then there are others who just kind of have strange ideas. Their intentions might be right, but it still seems a bit off.

For instance the other day I was watching someone talking about how to make a budget. The idea behind budgeting and knowing what you’re spending is a great and important financial goal/habit for people wanting to gain control over their finances. I truly believe that the person’s desire was to help and encourage people on their road to financial peace and happiness.

The numbers started out pretty accurate. This individual stated that the national median average house hold income was around sixty-seven thousand dollars. Though I’m not quite sure where they acquired the numbers for the medium household income in Nashville, Tennessee, but it was about $75,000. And since they were just showing an idea of what a budget might look like, it was easy to just run with it. After that the budget advisor said that the gross monthly income for this individual would be about $6250, but they weren’t as interested in the gross income as they were with the income that the individual would have after taxes. That meant that they were working with a take home monthly budget of about $5178.

The first piece of financial advice recommended was to be very generous, and that meant giving about 10% of their income to charity; which would be about $517 according to their numbers. Then the budget advisor went on to give examples about filling in the rest of the categories like shelter, food, health insurance, eating out, car payments, and etc. What I loved about this scenario is that when the budget was totaled, that included median averages for each category listed in the budget, the final sum was about $6138; which would have been about $960 over. With the state of the Economy and record high inflation it is not unreasonable to assume most budgets are either tight or bursting at the seams.

The next step in this financial budget planning scenario was to go back and cut unnecessary spending like cable, eating out, gym membership, and pretty much all fun activities. This too was good advice for people who might need to tighten the purse strings. The only issue though was even after all the reworking of finances, the scenario still had a deficit of $662 dollars according to the financial advice. That’s when the budget advisor recommended that the budget had an income problem. The income problem meant someone in the household should get a part time job at twenty-five dollars an hour for thirty hours extra a month, bring in a supposed additional $750. This is the point in the budgeting scenario that turned weird for me.

I just couldn’t understand why it was recommended that a person over budget should get an extra job, work an extra thirty hours a month, and spend at least a total combined of almost fifty hours (though most individuals will work an extra ten hours on top of that without pay at their regular salary) a week. All these working hours while being away from their family in order to continue to pay an extra $517 in charity. It’s a high and honorable thing to give, do charity work, and help people less fortunate or struggling. This is and will always remain true. But what about the importance of family, being present in the lives of children, and the effects familia relationships have on the whole family? Who’s going to be watching the children? How strong is the marital relationship when one individual is gone most of the day?

Societal guilt is often rooted in modern cultural beliefs. The idea of giving to charity and the biblical rule of “ten percent” is strongly suggested in our present day. The problem is that most individuals forget that our Nation and taxes are built on charitable giving. It’s often decided through democratic processes where and how much will be passed to individuals or institutions in need. So, in the above scenario the budgeted taxes were at a ratio of about seventeen percent. Meaning that 17% of the gross dollars made or 17% of the hourly wage in a forty hour work week is going already to various charitable projects funded through our government systems like public housing, schools, food programs, disabilities, etc. Now, I do believe in giving more that just what is already collected in taxes but if a family is unable to care for their own then aren’t they just as much in need?

Why would it be healthier for an individual to work more hours than a normal work week? Why would it be good to spend hours extra a week away from children who need their parents presence in their lives? All this is done in order to give an extra $517. Charitable giving doesn’t have to happen this way. We can build stronger families by spending more time together. Doing charitable work as a family like writing letters to soldiers who love our encouraging support, cleaning up our earth as a family, serving our community in various ways, and more. Those thirty hours could be used vastly different, more productively, and we can build a stronger culture one family at a time.

The Dark & Ugly Truths about Stalking

Have you ever felt the prickly hairs, on the back of your neck, stand to attention in a ghostly fashion? Or felt the pulsating charge from the molecules in the air around you as they rolled along your perspiring skin? Has your mind ever blasted into hyper mode, analyzing every sound, or guessing the echo ranging distance it might be driven from. Have you fought the urge to unwittingly cling to your phone, or even drastically, unapologetically reach in an anticipatory fashion for something in which to protect yourself? Fight or Flight, the decisions and reactions pulsating through your body. Knowing that each and every decision bares a consequence, and one might even be your life.

For some sufferers these instinctive reactions will be the life vessel that keeps them alive. While for others it might mean traveling a path of parasympathetic recovery and healing. One thing that is for sure, when dealing with stalkers, there is limitless unknowns. There can be times of doubtful questioning, times of deeply knowing, and even moments of traveling in the blind darkness fighting for life. No one can or will know for sure the depth a toxic, unstable stalker will attend to in relation to their victim.

Some stalkers follow a course of behavior for a period in time, but the unknown consequences or judicial fear might awake in them a change of recourse. Others enjoy the thrill of evading the reach of the law. With dupers delight they revel in their grandiosity, all the while hiding unsuspectingly from law abiding entities meant to help their victims. The darkest stalkers of the bunch may even make moves to end their victims, themselves, or even both.

What’s behind the dark, carefully crafted, or opportune behavior? The inability of the stalker to let go of their victim. The stalker can not accept the end of a relationship, whether a once real connection or limerence (infatuation state or obsession of another). The stalker maybe stuck in a form of complicated grief, or just pompously, deliberately won’t tolerate abandonment or rejection. Like a bloody line drawn in the sand, the victim is not allowed one step forward without the stalker hot on their heels.

Hunted by the very person who once claimed familiarity, deep affection, or even worst an undisclosed stalker, the victim must learn new skills in order to survive. They might begin their search hoping to find answers, but only to be met with rather limitedly statistical and researched information. The majority of information being restricted to mostly domestic violence victims. What happens though when the stalker is a past friend who won’t let the connection die? An obsessed neighbor or coworker? Or a family member bent on remaining in their loved one’s, or actually not so loved, lives? Where does the victim turn to when even the supposed experts are silenced?

By shoring up physical defensive skills with self defensive and bodily leveraging knowledge a victim can learn to take back their power. Working out and practicing moves until the mind intuitively reacts with the body. Intuitive instincts are gifts that can keep a sufferer as safe as possible, but it also needs to be showered with wisdom and practical guidance of toxic behavioral disorders. Chances are that if someone has encountered stalking behaviors than they have probably also experienced other psychological, physical, financial abuse, or a combination of abusive behaviors. Knowledge of boundaries, and red flag behaviors can be vital to moving forward. Seek help when necessary from institutions that will advocate and listen to the tough and ugly truths that occur during stalking. One must not dismiss the sufferings inflicted by a stalker or get swallowed into the stalker’s game. Just because there is a lack of information doesn’t mean that people haven’t been experiencing and surviving stalking for a while.